Tag Archives: peace

Molly close-up skiing

Living with Pain

We all live with some form of pain from time to time, be it physical or emotional (and I imagine there is an incredible range of all types of pain, but for me, they all come back to these two: physical or emotional).

For most of my life, I’ve been free of physical pain. Sure, I’ve had bouts of this and that like everyone. Such as? Such as: cramps so severe that I needed to be brought to the university infirmary on a stretcher. There were also occasional ear pokes due to an inherited condition which called for several ear surgeries (in order to be able to hear), but overall, I’ve lived a pain free life.

Until this past February.

On one of the most fun days I’ve had in the past several years (while sliding down a small mountain of white), I dodged a person standing atop a narrow entrance way, landing on my right shoulder with all my weight and with all the force of a quick turn.

“Molly in Flight” from “My Life as a Mule: a fictionalized memoir or a memoir with a twist”

“That wasn’t a bad fall,” he said, after a quick apology.

Me?

I stayed quiet and smiled a weak smile. Though I landed on a pile of deep snow, I could tell something was amiss. Body part by body part, I surveyed the situation. Toes? Can wiggle. Legs? Intact. (My skis were still on, as well.) Head and neck? All good. Right shoulder? Voila! I found the source of pain that was starting to creep into my arm and digits.

I smiled.

I can still ski !!!

Gingerly, and rather awkwardly, I pulled myself back up. All alone atop the ski run (the day dreamer had left), I once again scanned my body.

I think I can do this.

So down the mountain I happily skied, while staying upright.

I delighted in 22 more ski runs that day.

Oh, how I love to ski and too many years had passed since I’d been at a ski resort.

This one in North Carolina was completely new to me, a small mountain in the southeast, nothing grand compared to what I’d experienced previously in the Rockies—but a mountain with snow, nonetheless.

I was in heaven.

Until the time arrived to walk to my van while carrying my skis and boots. Once back at my temporary home, I tried to rest and eventually sleep. Thank goodness for a pharmaceutical I had with me!

Fast forward to four months later. I’ve seen a doctor several times, am having physical therapy and continue to do her recommended stretches—as well as going swimming with Honu and tropical fish, albeit in an “old woman” kind of way, doing the breaststroke rather than my beloved crawl. Still, I smile and celebrate having a body.

So . . . will this labral tear turned into a frozen shoulder ever heal? Will I be able to swim freestyle again? Live without physical pain?

I have no idea. I’m told I will, but I really don’t know. I’ll just keep taking it moment-by-moment, trusting. Something good is always hiding in every experience.

Like what, Sj?

Like lots of things. I’ll make a list:

1. Because of this injury I’ve been able to continue my French language learning (a great go-to when I realized I couldn’t work on my second book while being in such pain. Language learning has been a solace my entire life.)

2. I finally found a great program for learning French that addresses the nuances of SPOKEN French. Ch’ui très contente !!! Not, je suis très contente like I was always taught. That’s just for written French or for when reading out loud. The French really say: ch’ui, sounds like chwee to us. And yes, I’m very happy (about finding this platform).

3. I met a most wonderful young woman who lives on the other side of the states, on another island where they speak French. We’ve spent about 3-hours per week (these past 3-months) conversing in French and/or English, albeit mostly in French. There’s an easy and organic flow as we switch back and forth between languages. We’re also finding that we can assist one another in even more life changing ways (in addition to the simple language learning). It’s been one of the best things I’ve experienced in my long life. Mahalo Ke Akua.

So, how can I not celebrate that “accident” on the mountain? How can I not recognize, once again, how all of life is only ever happening for me?

“Born alone, we die alone. And alone, we shall find peace.”

sj hylton lehoven — this 6th of june 2023

Thank you for reading my blog post. It’s been ages since I’ve felt the nudge to write publicly. The COVID-19 pandemic awoke my not so secret hermit self. I do continue to travel—I spent 3-months in Europe last Fall—but I haven’t felt the urge to post photos. However, having just said that, I do think I will share some graffiti pictures I took while in Paris. I had so much fun snapping shot after shot of compelling street art. And if I do this, I believe it would be best to do before heading south for a month—to an entirely new part of the world (for me).

Time will tell.

In the meantime, I wish you all well as you experience your own type of pain. May gifts hide in plain sight.

Aloha,

*** Sj ***

The illustration is by Jocelyne Champagne Shiner.

Here’s a Honu link that takes you to a fun short video about Honu!

For a moment, time stood still.

Magic shows itself in so many ways.

On this particular day, it came so unexpectedly. I picked up my two Kindergartners and even before we were out the gate, the one who tends to make a wild child seem calm, was living up to his reputation.

“You cannot be the leader because you’re not behaving. Samuel is now the leader.”

He then hung back and pouted as Samuel and I continued on, counting all the way to 100, with prompts from me whenever we got to a new set of ten (i.e. THIRTY, thirty-one, thirty-two, he’d continue, FORTY, forty-one, forty-two he’d then say, each time we made a shift in tens, a beat was dropped by him and then picked right back up, like he was simply making a stop so he could dosey-do his partner).

And as we approached our classroom (I pick up these boys from their regular classroom and walk what feels like about five football fields to my corner in a regular sized room shared by four part-time teachers) with the pouter still lagging far behind, I gave thanks that the idea had come to me to set up cardboard dividers so that each boy worked in his own space AND that I’d set out the number cards (1 to 10) and dot cards (also, 1 to 10) by each boy’s work area, so I could simply tell this first boy who was being a pleasure to work with to go to his chair and match the cards.

“No,” the other boy said as I asked him to also match his cards. He pushed the cards under the cardboard holding pen and gave his all to the topic of pouting.

“You can do it,” I said. “Which one has more dots? This one or that one?” And somehow his arm didn’t get the memo that he was on pouting and not cooperating duty, and the cards gradually started to be arranged in the correct order from smaller to larger.

“Very good! Now match them with the number cards.”

And by golly if that boy didn’t do.

But that’s not the miracle. The miracle was of such epic proportions that I didn’t see it coming.

In this little dance we performed together, I played the part of observer going from one boy to the other.

“Good job, I’m so proud of you. You got all the numbers right. Now, write out 1 to 10.”

The cooperative boy was maintaining his lead in terms of getting his work done, so he played this game a few times. Cards in order. Write.

“Great job!”

But . . . the pouter did manage to match them all correctly. Yeah! ?

“Great!,” I said thinking it was so amazing that he’d managed to stay in his seat long enough to pair the number cards to the dot cards. “Now, let’s do it one more time.”

And this time he struggled. Hmm, I thought to myself, maybe it was a fluke the first time.

He pondered, he rumpled his brow, he even rubbed his forehead, BUT he continued thinking, pondering, and that other hand that also hadn’t gotten the memo, shot out and put them all together in the correct order.

“Great! Now write the numbers 1 to 10.”

I gave him his clipboard and marker, stepping away to check on his classmate. When I returned, I found that this little boy who rarely sits longer than 3 seconds, was fully engaged in his activity. And not only was he writing the numbers, but he was writing the box that represented the card AND the card with the various number of dots on it.

A part of me wanted to say, “You only need to write the number;” but then the smart part of me, the part of me that takes a breath before speaking, the part of me that can just observe what’s going on without getting involved, pulled me back and said, “Whoa, down girl! He’s doing it how he needs to in order to learn it. Really learn it.”

Kay, I get it. So I watched. Took a step to the right and looked at the other boy who was also deep in concentration as he wrote his 1, 2, 3, 4 . . . with matching dots beside each other.

And now with a step to the left, I see that pouty boy is no longer pouting. Instead, he’s lost. Lost in the magic of numbers, writing, solving, figuring out.

Step to the right.

Still working.

To the left.

Licking his lips in concentration.

And I sat down and marveled at the silence that had reigned for at least three minutes, maybe four. And by the time they’d each finished, at least six minutes had gone by, maybe even seven.

The hush was so pronounced that the world shifted a bit on its axis. And then, the world literally stood still. Completely and unequivocally still. So still that Trump’s mouth couldn’t move nary an inch.

When they’d finished, I called out, “Great job boys! I’m really proud of you both.” And turning to the left to pouty boy who was no longer pouting but rather standing looking a bit disoriented by the concentration and focus he’d just experienced, I asked, “Do you think you can be the leader now?”

“Yes,” he nodded not making a sound, in a fog of such deep thinking that I think his world too had shifted off its axis.

And with a quiet I never would have thought possible, each boy lined up, placed his arms behind himself and walked away to re-join their class and have lunch.

“That’s great you only had one boy today,” my co-worker called out when I returned.

“Oh, I had both.”

“Really? It was so quiet that I figured little-lad-difficult wasn’t here today.”

“Oh, he was here. Come take a look at what they did today.”

And my co-worker walked over and stared in disbelief. She could feel the momentous moment that it was. Perhaps her world had shifted too, so startled did she look.

“I’d take a picture of that, if I were you.”

And I did. I took shots of both of the boys’ work. As a celebration of their success, of the quiet that had reigned for around perhaps 8 minutes, 10 or even 2. A silence that can’t really be measured in time but rather by gravity, for the earth’s pull lessened for those full moments as each of us, in our own way, took flight, loosed our footing but somehow stayed grounded all at the same time.

image

Success! Yeah!!! ?

Gratitude fills my heart : )

Hi my VERY dear friend and sister of my heart,

Now sitting in the Detroit airport in an Irish tavern after missing my flight to Knoxville by four minutes due to a late arrival because of equipment malfunction in Honolulu, I give thanks.
Why?
For the nice lady with Delta who told me that the IT served bfast for another seven minutes. And then showed me were it was so that I arrived in time.
For the vouchers which paid for it.
For the wonderful wait staff with their beautiful cheerful smiles who entertained this non-TV watcher with a live true sit-com, complete with their crisp Michigan accents.
For my Bust magazine which looks for movies with dialogues between two women NOT about men!
For my iPhone which allowed me to read T’s email to you and your thoughtful reply.
And for the peace-of-mind that gave me. The feeling of being cared for. Protected. Loved.
For YOU. A most wonderful and caring and wise and LOVING friend. I give thanks.
For the learning and unpeeling which continues in its most perfect timing.
For the extra 4.5 hours at the airport. For the time it gave me to be alone before meeting up with my Mom.
For my Mom. Who is so excited about my arrival.
For my Mom. Who is simply who she is. Who loves me in her unique way. For the relationship we have which is so different from that of my sisters.
For the wonderful sleep I had on the 8-plus hour flight from Honolulu.
For Michael Stillwater’s wonderful music and my iPod shuffle which allowed me to listen to it so easily and peacefully in my private two seater due to the flight’s low occupancy.
For the nice young man I talked to before I made the switch to my solo seats. May Peace be with him always.
For the confidence to reply with the simple word “writer” when he asked what I “do.”
And the subsequent “linguist” which completed my answer more fully.
And mostly, for the time I’ve had to come back into my heart. The time to reflect and give thanks for ALL of the above. The “all” which barely covers the tip of the iceberg–which IS my vast and limitless heart.
Peace be with you, my dear, dear friend.
May the Light of my infinite love fill you with the warmth of spirit which resides in us all.
Deine Freundin,
Susan
Sent from my iPhone

A few observations . . .

date:  Mon, Feb 2, 2009

subject:  a few observations . . . .
 
Bonjour Tous!
 
I hope you are all well and enjoying the wonderful weather on Kauai, in NYC, Tennessee et other parts unknown!
 
It’s been a great week here à Lyon.
 
First of all, I thought I’d start off with some observations:
 
1)  There is a LOT of dog poop on the roads and sidewalks of Lyon. I will be so bold as to wager that there is a LOT of dog poop on the sidewalks all over France! You really have to pay attention when you walk here. ‘Nuff said.
 
2)  There are a LOT of dogs en France. They are really sweet. Like the one I petted yesterday when I went to a flea market (les puces) avec Madame. I splurged and spent dix euros (about 13 dollars now, the exchange rate is getting much better!) on an old, rusty trivet. I thought it’d fit right in at our house when we entertain friends . . .

and it does !

3)  There are a lot of manifestions in France. Last week there was a large grève pour l’écoles. Seems Nicholas Skar . . . what’s his name wants to change the system of the schools and the entire population is in an uproar about it. Over 30,000 people marched this past Thursday, ma hôtess included. The schools were closed that day as well as the Greco-Roman musée which we WERE going to visit on Thursday.
 
 
 
the Théâtres Romains de Fourvière 
(window in back is where the museum is)
 
 Some of the other “kids.” 
Wearing black was definitely “in.” I wasn’t “in.”

We walked into the old city instead and had a drink. Some had orange juice, some hot chocolate, some café; moi, I had a beer.

 
Angelica & Ricardo

The first Saturday I was here I also witnessed 2 LARGE manifestations in Bellecour–THE largest plaza in Europe the Lyonais say.

Vous êtes ici. 
You are here.
 
You can read up more on it at wikipedia.
There was also a smaller one on the adjoining street, rue de la république.

a. smaller one was about the abundance of paper used for making print ads
 
There was a man covered in paper and with a box torso and mask. There were lots of people tossing around printed ads (magazines, flyers, brochures, etc.). There was even a camera man who looked a LOT like Tony (from the back and side of the camera, that is) and a sound person who looked NOTHING like me.
 

I enjoyed watching it all. I sent Nancy the little piece of paper THEY were passing out protesting the abundance of such paper things.

b.  a march for the aforementioned school topic
 
When Madame and a fellow friend told me about the changes N.S. wants to make (over wine of course, it was in the evening on a Friday, I think) they became quite adamant that their school system right now is wonderful, it’s very democratic and EVERYONE can get a good education. According to them, the changes which N.S. wants to make (I think already HAS put into place, but don’t quote me, remember, I’m here to learn the language . . . : ) would/will make the school system more like the one in the U.S. where only the rich really have a chance for a very good education . . . .
 
 
Schools are not a business. 
Education is not merchandise!
 
Before you all get in an uproar and want to jump on me, please remember the saying, “Don’t shoot the messenger.” I’m just passing on what I observed . . .
 
c. a protest over the Israeli agression in Palenstine
 
Boy, did I ever get a few cool shots. It was quite fascinating because each spokesperson was speaking very slowly and clearly (on a raised platform with a PA system) so I could actually understand. It really was interesting until they started chanting “Assasinate Israel!!!” That gave me a real pit in my stomach and it was then time to move on.

Why in the world people the world over can’t just chant “Love your neighbor!”, or “Let’s all be friends!”, or “Come to my house for a cup of tea and some pleasant conversation whenever you have a free moment . . .”    ????

 

Later in the evening when I was up on the top of the colline where le fourvière is, I could still hear the chanting. It wasn’t until then that I thought to record a little video. That’s when they stopped chanting and talking. Maybe there’s a message there. Exactly that is what does not need to be passed on and shared with others. It just keeps the cycle going . . . just my observations.

 
That’s Bellecour below where you see the Ferris wheel.
 
4) Nearly every host here is a hostess, divorced and with a grown child or two
Either they’re lonely or they need to raise some extra cash quick–or both.

5) This is a correction really, but here goes:
 
faire DU ski
 
faire DU vélo (I cheated and corrected it when I posted that letter on my glob.)
 
faire de la voile, etc . . . I was incorrect last week . . . je suis très, très désolée!!
 
6) I’m improving at the pace of a snail.  But I AM improving.
 
Last night la Madame said something to the effect (and with a VERY shocked look on her face, I MUST add!) “Everything you’ve just said was absolutely correct! Each sentence!”
 
I thought it best then to simply reply with a grunt. No need in spoiling my record, plus . . . that means . . . well, you can figure it out for yourself. But, being the optimist that I am, I choose to reach for the positive. Yahoo! I said a few things correctly! Yahoo!!!!

 
7) A person doesn’t do well when they’re tired.
 
Each Friday we have a little test. And I do mean little. It’s nothing serious. It’s for the teacher to have an idea of how we’re doing and for ourselves too to have an idea of whether or not we’re retaining what we do in class. I did just fine on the first two tests.  But this past Saturday I completely (and I do mean completely!) forgot some stuff that’s really very simple. So this little optimist (who when she sees horse poop asks her parents, “Where’s the horse I’m getting for my birthday?”) figures that NOW surely I won’t forget the simple thing I thought before. AND it was after this that I could feel myself improving a bit. I think the old adage of take a few steps forward, a few back, and then even more forward may be true.
 
J’espère.

8) They don’t always have popcorn at movies here.
 
I saw Che #1 last week and then Che #2 this past weekend at a large theatre close to the school (on rue grolèe for the inquisitive) where NO popcorn or anything else is sold.  It cost seven euros fifty each time. When I went to see Slumdog Millionaire at the only cinéma which showed the original version (in Indian and a petite peu en l’anglais) with French sous titres; it cost nine euros fifty (almost 2.75 dollars more) and they DID sell popcorn and candy. (This one was on cours Vitton, which is also cours Franklin Roosevelt.) What this signifies, I have no idea. Just passing on a few observations.

On a side note, when I arrived at the cinéma there had just been an accident in the middle of the road, directly in front of the film house. I don’t know what happened but a man and a woman who were riding on the same scooter somehow crashed. The bright orange scooter was on its side. There were fragments of the red brake light scattered to the opposite side of the bike. The man was up walking around. He was wearing black leather with a bright orange pulli underneath (like the one my Dad wore and that I now have). The woman was NOT moving except for a trembling hand and arm. It looked like she too was wearing an orange pulli underneath her black jacket. Her elegantly clad feet (in black leather boots with a very high stiletto heel) did NOT move until the paramedic moved it.
 
Why do I tell you this in such colorful detail?  So you can SEE her AND him and pray for them both. I couldn’t help but think that she had had some type of injury to the brain . . . again, ’nuff said.
 
May the wonderful prayer chain begin . . . .

 

Okay, after that, I’m not quite sure what to write, so I think I’ll stop.
 
Love to you ALL and thanks for being the kind of friends that I know I can send a prayer request to, and immediately you’re already praying . . .
 
Merci beaucoup.
 
until next time,
 
Susan
 
or Suzanne en France
 
p.s. a friend at school sent this . . . .

I think you might enjoy watching this video too. ciao
 
salut Susan,
 
je crois que tu vas aimer ce video.
 
Ricardo

 
 
a video Ricardo shared with me